Food: Surviving Socially in a World of Carnivores

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Surviving Socially in a World of Carnivores - by Vonnie Crooks
Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Surviving Socially in a World of Carnivores

If you are the type of vegetarian that has chosen your diet for reasons that do not include any sort of moral convictions, you may have wondered how to gracefully and successfully incorporate your diet into any number of social settings. For those of you who are not intent on saving the world from all the wicked carnivores out there, here are a few tips for enjoying an evening with friends without drawing attention to the evils of ingesting animals, or otherwise making those around you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Dining Out

- If your companion does not feel it necessary to go on a rant about the pesticides used on the vegetables you are eating and how they are ruining the environment, you might want to avoid criticizing their choice to consume animal products.

- By the same token, if your companion does not try to dissuade you from eating all types of melons or green vegetables, you probably should avoid trying to impose your diet on him.

- Consider your goal for the evening. Is it to spend time with friends and socialize, or is your primary purpose to enjoy a good meal? There can be a balance between the two, but if the main goal is to spend time with friends, then you may want to be more flexible in your input regarding a restaurant selection. Is your companion an insatiable steak lover? Most steak houses now offer several selections suitable for a vegetarian, and many will adapt dishes to make them vegetarian. Ethnic cuisines are also a great choice that provides options for both vegetarians and carnivores.

- Learn to identify whether your server is someone that is vegetarian sensitive or as someone that is clueless, and will never truly get it regardless of how miserable or stupid you make them feel. If the server is the former, ask questions and request advice. If your questions are answered in a fashion that sounds knowledgeable and with an attitude that indicates the server actually cares, feel free to rely on the recommendations provided. If the server is the latter of the two, resign yourself to a simple salad or baked potato and save everyone the heartache of a botched meal.

- Learn to choose your battles in a restaurant. Even the best servers invariably become annoyed with an endless barrage of questions about the menu. Try to select a couple of items that look like good candidates for a vegetarian, or that look as though they could easily be adapted to a vegetarian version, and limit your questions to those items.

- Always end your order with the caveat of - I will have this as long as it is vegetarian.

- Soups are also best avoided unless you are in a known vegetarian friendly zone. Many servers do not differentiate between vegetarian soups and those without meat floating around in the liquid. If they understand the difference, they often will not know for certain if a chicken or beef based broth is used. If soup is extremely important to you, then I encourage you to ask your server twenty questions and badger the chef for a list of ingredients. Otherwise, save your difficult questions for the entree. It provides a more relaxed meal for everyone, and you are more likely to avoid sampling your servers saliva in your food.

Being a Gracious Dinner Guest

- You should never make your host feel uncomfortable about what they have offered to you. It is okay to politely decline what is offered without offering an explanation if it appears that there are enough items for you to eat without appearing to be rude or anorexic. If it looks as though the selections are extremely limited, you can offer an explanation just as a diabetic would explain why he is declining an offer of dessert. You can close with a nice statement about how pleased you are to have been invited, and make a joke about how you would prefer great company over vegetarian cuisine any time it is available.

- Remember what your mother taught you. If you can not say something nice, do not say anything at all. Instead of focusing on the aspects of the meal that you do not like, comment on the things that are done well. For instance, if the only thing on the menu that is on your diet is the salad, you could mention that it is really nice that the salad is topped with almonds. You could mention that you just love salads with almonds (or homemade croutons, freshly crumbled blue cheese, or anything else that is distinctive about the salad). The main idea is to make your host relax about your diet, so that everyone can enjoy dinner. Friends and relationships are more important than a full belly, and if it is a business associate it is also often doubly important to put your host at ease.

- If you are asked in advance, and your host knows your preference, accommodations will often be made for your diet. It is fine to let your host know if asked, but never expect that you will be accommodated. Many hosts will try, but will fail miserably and expect they can pick the meat out of a dish as a means to satisfy your needs. Expect to eat light, and express your surprise and delight if your host does a superb job of providing you with options.

Entertaining at Home

- When entertaining at home, you are in control of the menu. If you have included carnivores on the guest list and you are the type of vegetarian that has a live and let live attitude, but you also get a little nauseous at the thought of handling meat, you will need to make a few decisions. One option is to extend the invitation and make it clear that guests will be enjoying a vegetarian meal. A second option is to purchase a prepared meat entree from the deli section of your local grocery store. Or finally, if you have the stomach for it, learn to prepare a few items that minimize your contact with meat during preparation. An example might be to purchase a package of boneless, skinless, chicken breast and marinate them in something tasty, and then bake them in the oven. This allows you to avoid ever touching the meat, and will also impress your guests if they are aware of your aversion to meat.

Regardless of the venue, the point is not to let your diet rule your life and alienate friends and family. You can stick to your diet without becoming the type of guest or date that no one wants to include, or that servers fear and despise. Avoid situations that will create culinary controversy, and plan for and expect the uneducated. Always use good etiquette to put those around you at ease with your diet. Most people will appreciate this, and everyone will enjoy the meal as a result. Good luck and Bon Appetite!

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